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Nov. 17th, 2018 10:21 amIt has been... awhile.
( TW for death of a family friend, drug use, and possible suicide )
It was my first funeral... The minister... was a total clown. Long story short, he figured the eulogy was the perfect time to harangue us all into converting or going to his church. Appalling. But he was also just ... so rambly, I initially wondered if he was drunk. His theme was that we all have 'wrong' images of God in our hearts. A part of me is like "...what if I told you the divine is beyond representation?" I came very close to interrupting him and asking to get back on topic- he talked about our friend for around two sentences of the whole eulogy... Instead we heard about some people he knew, slamming other religions, guilt tripping us, in general. Before long, everyone had started a spontaneous silent protest of the guy... He'd asked for a show of hands if we wanted to go to heaven or not and everyone just stared back at him in stony silence. So he started shouting at us about how we hate God etc... I hadn't intended to but somehow my face ended up in a smirk... I'm sure he saw this. I have no patience for these predatory ministers.
So there was no comfort... no solemnity either. All tears dried up as we turned united in our contempt for this guy. At home, I took down an Edwardian prayer book I have, for the faith my ancestors on mom's side had subscribed to and read to her the order of burial of the dead, and some of the prayers. The book is designed with the idea in mind that everyone is their own high priest. So it has literally all of the rites, like a manual. It was astonishing how soothing they were for her. Not just the content, but the language itself was beautiful and profound. I feel like we've really lost so much that is good in religion, and retained a lot that isn't healthy in any way. It's a shame. It puts me in mind of a friend who turned to the Book of the Dead in an instinctive search for comfort when someone she cared about passed. There's a logic there that helps.
Anyway, so I've been more or less in a philosophical mood... not really doing much online as I work through this and how it relates to ... among other things, the eventual death of my father and how I'll face it. That's a story for another time, as I've already rambled enough!
( TW for death of a family friend, drug use, and possible suicide )
It was my first funeral... The minister... was a total clown. Long story short, he figured the eulogy was the perfect time to harangue us all into converting or going to his church. Appalling. But he was also just ... so rambly, I initially wondered if he was drunk. His theme was that we all have 'wrong' images of God in our hearts. A part of me is like "...what if I told you the divine is beyond representation?" I came very close to interrupting him and asking to get back on topic- he talked about our friend for around two sentences of the whole eulogy... Instead we heard about some people he knew, slamming other religions, guilt tripping us, in general. Before long, everyone had started a spontaneous silent protest of the guy... He'd asked for a show of hands if we wanted to go to heaven or not and everyone just stared back at him in stony silence. So he started shouting at us about how we hate God etc... I hadn't intended to but somehow my face ended up in a smirk... I'm sure he saw this. I have no patience for these predatory ministers.
So there was no comfort... no solemnity either. All tears dried up as we turned united in our contempt for this guy. At home, I took down an Edwardian prayer book I have, for the faith my ancestors on mom's side had subscribed to and read to her the order of burial of the dead, and some of the prayers. The book is designed with the idea in mind that everyone is their own high priest. So it has literally all of the rites, like a manual. It was astonishing how soothing they were for her. Not just the content, but the language itself was beautiful and profound. I feel like we've really lost so much that is good in religion, and retained a lot that isn't healthy in any way. It's a shame. It puts me in mind of a friend who turned to the Book of the Dead in an instinctive search for comfort when someone she cared about passed. There's a logic there that helps.
Anyway, so I've been more or less in a philosophical mood... not really doing much online as I work through this and how it relates to ... among other things, the eventual death of my father and how I'll face it. That's a story for another time, as I've already rambled enough!
