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Nov. 24th, 2018 01:03 pmI'm so tired. Really, really tired. I ran out of St.John's Wort tea nearly a week ago. I hadn't realized just how much it was helping with the depression until a few days ago. Yeek! Everything is so much harder. Every step feels like I'm wading through a snowbank. And despite losing her friend to depression just a few weeks ago, mom really has no compassion re: this...She gets angry when I say I need rest, boasts about how much she could do/did (she hasn't lifted a finger for two whole years since she got sick, but okay...). We have talked- at length- about my condition. I've been very clear about my symptoms... I guess she's just stuck. I've been trying a lot of my self-soothing things to get by. I already ordered more but it won't get here until December... ... Urgh.
I'm loath to ask my family doctor for pills since his slipshod approach to mental health meds is what left mom so vulnerable in the first place... I'm still on the wait list for a psychiatrist. So, in the meantime.... trying to use distractions and lifestyle to keep going into December when I can get some relief.
A side effect of this is I'm... sort of bursting with words I can't actually get down. It's not writer's block per se. It's all up there but I can't actually settle down enough to work things out. I did actually- just before the slump- write my very first EVER ship fic... I've never written anything remotely romantic before. It was an asexual story too, the kind I've mentioned before... I was really surprised by the response to it. I have NEVER had a story take off like that before. I got quite a few comments about how nice it was to find asexual romance, and with these characters in particular. I'm relatively new to the concept of queerplatonic relationships even as I realize that's been what I've wanted all along.... It's like the reverse of relationships which are strictly sexual: all emotional intimacy. I even felt a little bashful writing this, due to how emotionally intimate the characters were. But I think I'd like to write some more.
A yarn shop opened up near my house so I went over and stocked up on some things. I've been working on some crochet pieces just to calm myself down. The piece atm is a shawl. It's my first, and it's coming along very nicely. I'll have to take some pictures of my projects in a bit.
I'm loath to ask my family doctor for pills since his slipshod approach to mental health meds is what left mom so vulnerable in the first place... I'm still on the wait list for a psychiatrist. So, in the meantime.... trying to use distractions and lifestyle to keep going into December when I can get some relief.
A side effect of this is I'm... sort of bursting with words I can't actually get down. It's not writer's block per se. It's all up there but I can't actually settle down enough to work things out. I did actually- just before the slump- write my very first EVER ship fic... I've never written anything remotely romantic before. It was an asexual story too, the kind I've mentioned before... I was really surprised by the response to it. I have NEVER had a story take off like that before. I got quite a few comments about how nice it was to find asexual romance, and with these characters in particular. I'm relatively new to the concept of queerplatonic relationships even as I realize that's been what I've wanted all along.... It's like the reverse of relationships which are strictly sexual: all emotional intimacy. I even felt a little bashful writing this, due to how emotionally intimate the characters were. But I think I'd like to write some more.
A yarn shop opened up near my house so I went over and stocked up on some things. I've been working on some crochet pieces just to calm myself down. The piece atm is a shawl. It's my first, and it's coming along very nicely. I'll have to take some pictures of my projects in a bit.
